Be Aware of the Unconscious Messages you Might Sending to Your Employers…..

Having spent considerable time with nannies from all walks of life, I realize that some caregivers consciously make themselves sound and even look less educated so that they do not appear to be their employer’s equal. They knowingly take a stance of cognitive submissiveness.

I understand the hierarchy inherent in the caregiver-family relationship: The family sets the rules the caregiver follows. This, however, does not mean that your opinions and vast experience become obsolete. On the contrary, an employer who is psychologically and emotionally healthy will welcome your ideas on caregiving even, or especially, if they differ from their own. To suggest that you have no opinions on any subject is absurd. This ultimately feeds into the stereotype that caregivers only know how to execute custodial care like diapering, bathing, and feeding.

To refuse to voice your ideas in a constructive, educated, and respectful manner does a disservice to you and your invaluable experience.  It’s not what we say but how we say it, and the tonality, that matters…cliché but nevertheless true.

How do you give feedback about caregiving especially when it differs from your employers?

By Alene Mathurin

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4 thoughts on “Be Aware of the Unconscious Messages you Might Sending to Your Employers…..

  1. Alene,
    Congratulations on launching your blog. This is so true. I think this may be environmental, especially for people who come from a culture where we are not able to voice our opinions. At an early age, we are often times muffled by our elders telling us not to voice our opinions. Growing up in the Caribbean, we are prompted to speak only when you are spoken to; children must keep out of “big people” conversation; or just merely the psychological impact this has by not being able to voice our opinions from an early age, consequently impact us unconsciously in our adult years to continue this behavior.

    I have watched you grown over the years and, as a result, have built a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for you. You have made enormous strides emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and even physically and have flourished into the awesome person you are today. The metamorphosis you spoke about in your writing; it’s truly amazing how far you have come and the gradual changes toward the wonderful person you are today, and you still continue to progress. All the best with your blog. Keep on empowering, not only caregivers but, people in general, as we continue this journey with you.


  2. Thank you Markos for your kind comments, I’m humbled by them. I definitely can see the correlation between the way most of us from the Caribbean were raised; taught that having an opinion meant “talking back” or perceived as being rude; and the reluctance in voicing our opinions as adults. The whole debate of nature versus nurture can be dissected here: naturally we are born with the innate desire to speak our minds but the way we were nurtured as children can either stunt that ability or enhance it. Nevertheless, no matter how we were raised we should always be able to voice our concerns, desires and our disgust. Never expect your audience to be mind-readers and know how you are feeling if you don’t articulate your thoughts.

    I’m truly moved by your comments about me. I have a phenomenal circle of people around me including you and for that I’m very grateful. My biggest accomplishment thus far, and the one that still melts me, is my spiritual journey and my sincere understanding that God is truly love. With that realization, I also understood that I am indeed my brother’s keeper. That’s why I love this circle because I have an immense opportunity to learn, to grow and to impact.

  3. I love the few comments I have read so far. I will come back and post a proper response here. But as a babysitter I am happy there is such a place that we can visit. Thank you!

    Andrea Cook

    • Hello Andrea,

      Thank you for being part of our community, your circle, my nanny circle. I’m happy you love our site. I’m also excited because I’ll get the opportunity to dialogue with phenomenal caregivers like you. Keep blogging, there’s power in constructive conversation. A very warm welcome to you.

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